i miss when I could write, elegantly and creatively, when the words flowed from my finger tips in rhythmic patterns of pain and beauty. now my sentences run together, making poems and prose than leave the reader confused, and the artist exhausted. i can’t say what i feel and no longer feel what i say. the thoughts are no longer tangible, the meaning far from arms reach, and i’m backed up, filling with frustration, about to explode. i just want to express how i feel without the constant road blocks, i want to be able to see the road ahead instead of choke on the fog that is filling my brain. the emotion runs strong even though the literature is clogging up my veins.

[link]

Hannah Forest Photography Merchandise

pretty cool

Photography has always seemed to be my light in a world of darkness.
A camera around my neck has always been my diamond necklace, and looking through a lens always put everything in perspective for me. But after a semester of "real" college I'm afraid it might not be what I want anymore.
I crave to be creative, but I just can't seem to find it in my anymore.
I know people say just chill, relax and let the creativity come to you but it has been so long that I'm afraid it may be gone forever.

So I'm thinking about minoring in Photojournalism
Majoring in Veterinary Medicine or something else.


I just want to change the world,
but I really wanted to do it through photography...

Dear Creativity,
I miss you.
Please come home.
I need you more than i thought i did,
and hope your not gone forever.
Love,
Hannah


Dear Creativity,
It's me again,
I truly do miss you and really hope you get this.
I pray that one day you'll realize that this was all a big mistake,
I never meant to use you like I did.
I never meant to silence you when you had the most to say.
I know I don't deserve you,
I really do need you in my life.
I'm nothing without you.
Please come home.
Love
Hannah

Dear Creativity,
This is beginning to seem like a pointless plea,
and I hate what you're doing to me.
I'm empty, lost and confused without you.
I'm like a body without it's soul,
and I can't promise that I can keep control,
much longer.
You were the only thing to make me feel like I belonged,
and I searched for years before I truly found you.
Before I was able to harness and understand you.
And with one single breath,
you were gone.
And I just want to know where you went,
and want you to know I miss you.
I'm sorry.
Please come home.
Love
Hannah

Dear Creativity,
You're really starting to anger me.
I know that when you come back,
you'll force yourself in and turn my life completely upside down.
You'll steal my focus and overflow from my fingers.
I won't be able to keep up.
Why must you build up inside me?
I miss you being out in the open for everyone to see.
I miss you being the center of my attention.
I'm sick of this hiding.
I know you need me too.
Why can't you just admit it and come home?
Please come home.
Love,
-Hannah

I feel like I'm looking through a fisheye lens,
and my eye keeps twitching.
My heart feels like it's going 120 beat a min,
but also feels like it's completely stopped.
But my pulse is 84 (an average for me).
My head is rocking back and forth to the music,
and my eyes want to close,
but need to focus on something.
Anything.
I've never been so paranoid of nothing,
and i've never craved to be around a crowd of people so bad.
Even though a huge part of me wants to be alone.
I took less than my normal amount of adderall today,
so why is this happening.
Side effects this strong normally only happen during finals,
when I haven't slept for days and Adderall is the only thing keeping me going.
My teeth feel like I've pushed them out with my tongue,
and my mouth is so dry.
All i want to do is create,
but my subconscious is too afraid of what i might destroy.
A perfect piece of paper,
with a stupid little sketch.
My heart wants to draw
but my brain wants perfection.
All i want is to watch Requiem for a Dream and draw away,
but all i can do is sit on the floor in front of my bed
and rock back and forth to the theme.

The side effects of starting Adderall again after a weekend off,
I guess you'd have to be in my shoes to understand.